(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)
Before we begin this article, let me just say:
Everyone gets jealous. It’s okay.
In case you were not aware, we are all human.
No, but really, jealousy is a natural emotion. How you respond to jealousy is a choice. We all have to make choices on how we respond to our feelings. I have found over the years I am able to evaluate my emotions better. Jealousy is something I do not let take over my life, and it has brought me more joy than I could ever imagine.
Nevertheless, jealousy can be a healthy emotion if you learn to navigate it. Jealousy can be your biggest motivator or your strongest downfall. You choose. How do you want to live your life? Do you want to go your entire life looking at other people’s lives, or do you want to live?
Are you wallowing in your jealousy?
According to clinical psychologist, Christina Hibbert, jealousy becomes a problem “when we act out in jealousy, or we wallow in it.” Essentially, jealousy becomes negative in your life when you let it consume you. When jealousy begins to creep into every part of your life, you need to evaluate why you are letting that emotion control you.
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” -Steve Furtick
This quote pinpoints the cause of jealousy. We are too focused on the exterior of another person’s life that sometimes we forget to dig deeper. Everyone has their ups and downs. You might believe someone’s life is much easier than yours, but the truth is, everyone has their good days and their bad days.
Social media is a breeding ground for jealousy. All the beautiful pictures and the happy statuses and false perception of perfection make us believe that we are the only one struggling. But isn’t this thought process irrational?
After all, social media does not show you the challenges that a person had to overcome to get to where they are. It does not show the emotional obstacles, the hard work, and the determination it took for that person to post that beautiful picture you just liked.
So What Underlies Jealousy?
Ninety-nine percent of the time, jealousy stems from insecurity.
“We feel threatened, or less than or not good enough,” Hibbert said. “[W]e fear that someone else’s strengths mean something negative about us.”
The best way to overcome jealousy is to learn how to navigate it better. In recovery, learning to navigate jealousy is an important tool because you will see people in different stages of their journey. There will be some people doing amazing things in their recovery. However, the important thing is to remember that at one point, they were once where you were.
5 Ways to Navigate Jealousy
Be Honest With Yourself.
“Awareness is fire; it burns all that is wrong in you. It burns your ego. It burns your greed, it burns your possessiveness, it burns your jealousy – it burns all that is wrong and negative, and it enhances all that is beautiful, graceful, and divine.” –Osho
The first step is to admit you have a problem, right? Yup, this applies to jealousy too. Most people who are jealous do not even realize it. Jealousy can manifest itself as anger, irritability, anxiety, or even depression. One time, it took me an entire week to realize my reaction to something stemmed from jealousy. However, the moment I realized, I was able to overcome that emotion. Ask yourself, “Are any of my emotions arising from jealousy?” Assessing your jealousy opens the door to learning.
Ask Yourself: Are You Insecure?
“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” –Robert A. Heinlein
Jealousy stems from insecurity. The goal of this step is to acknowledge all the things you are insecure about and write them down. Are you insecure about your body? Are financial struggles holding your back? Do you have goals you never accomplished and envied others who have progressed more?
If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you have work to do. Use jealousy to motivate you in your journey, not hold you down. If you spend your day feeling sorry for yourself, you will get less accomplished in the long haul.
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ― Epicurus
I know this is going to seem crazy, but one day, someone will be jealous of you. Someone is likely jealous of you right now. They could be jealous of your health, your age, your wisdom. They might even be jealous of your ears. Who knows? We all want what we do not have. Practicing gratitude is being thankful for what you already have. It is acknowledging the accomplishments you have made in your life.Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Gratitude is not always easy to practice, but it is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. By practicing gratitude, you can put things into perspective. Stop being jealous and start being thankful.
Let Go of Your Jealousy.
“People come to me and they say they would like to be happy, but they cannot drop their jealousy. If you can’t drop your jealousy, love will never grow — the weeds of jealousy will destroy the rose of love. And when love does not grow, you will not be happy. Because who can be happy without love growing?” -Osho
Jealousy is not an emotion you need in your life. Jealousy is toxicity in your soul. Holding on to jealousy creates hatred in the body. Tell yourself you do not need this emotion any longer. Imagine the resentment flowing through your body and breathe the jealousy you feel out of your system. Repeat a mantra and meditate until the jealousy leaves your system. Let it go.
Transform Your Jealousy.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela.
Learning to manage your emotions will teach you how to respond better to jealousy. Jealousy is an excellent motivator. If you find yourself becoming jealous of someone’s body, lifestyle, or stage of life, you can use that emotion to make a goal for yourself. Jealousy helps you understand the things you desire for in your life. Think about the sacrifices that are required to achieve that person’s success. Are you willing to make those sacrifices? If not, why are you jealous? Learn the steps needed to obtain the goals that you see other people accomplishing. Understand your jealousy and create goals for yourself. Stop wasting time on jealousy and use that emotion to create a life even you would be jealous of. See what I did there?
Jealousy is a natural emotion everyone experiences. Jealousy becomes a problem when we let it take over our lives. If you find yourself becoming jealous, the time is now to assess your journey. You have the ability to change your life. Create the life you want today. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.
(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)
Author: Shernide Delva
For many of us, our personal struggles reveal themselves in all aspects of our life, especially our finances. It may seem easier at the moment to ignore your money problems, but over time, mounting debt can lead to severe consequences…
A common result is debt addiction. Debt Addiction is more than compulsive shopping. A person with debt addiction uses debt as a crutch to solve their personal and financial problems. They hardly make a plan for getting out of the debt. Signs of debt addiction include living paycheck to paycheck and never planning for the future. Someone who struggles with debt addiction is always in a financial crisis, yet never manages to take care of themselves enough to pay off creditors.
There are a variety of signs of debt addiction. Chances are, if you struggle with money, you already know that you do. It is easy to lose track of finances, even for the non-addict. However, when years or even decades past and no change has happened, that is a major sign that you have a debt addiction that needs addressing.
It can be confusing to understand debt addiction. After all, many people are in credit card debt or struggle with finances. Not everyone is a debt addict though. There is a difference between using your credit card because you have to, and using your credit card because you are angry, emotional or going through a rough time. Debt addiction is more of a mental issue than anything else. Often there is a mentality of “What does it matter if I put more on my card? I do not care about my balances, and I am going to ignore it.”
Those with debt addiction use debt as a way to avoid acknowledging that they do not have the money to provide for themselves or their desired lifestyle. Instead, they increase their debt and continue to ignore the problem. The good news is that there are ways to overcome debt addiction.
The first step is acknowledging you have a problem. I know, that may sound cliché, but it is true. There are groups like Debtors Anonymous, which is a 12-step fellowship group for those who struggle with debt addiction. Just by looking on the DA website, there is a long list of questions readers can ask themselves before going to a meeting.
Some of these questions include:
- Are your debts making your home life unhappy?
- Does the pressure of your debts distract you from your daily work?
- Are your debts affecting your reputation?
- Do your debts cause you to think less of yourself?
- Do you ever fear that your employer, family or friends will learn the extent of your total indebtedness?
- When faced with a difficult financial situation, does the prospect of borrowing give you an inordinate feeling of relief?
- Has the pressure of your debts ever caused you to consider getting drunk?
- Do you usually expect a negative response when you are subject to a credit investigation?
- Have you ever developed a strict regimen for paying off your debts, only to break it under pressure?
More questions are found on the website, but those are some that stood out as clear signs of debt addiction. It is important to develop an action plan to deal with the debt. Facing the amount of debt you have is a big step to acknowledging the role you played in digging that financial hole.
Here are the four steps that can help you move forward:
- Make an inventory of your debt.
Track the interest rates and total balance on everything you owe. You can also pull a free credit report to ensure everything is counted.
- Stop running new debt.
If you can, stop using all credit cards. Make a budget that includes paying at least the minimal payment on all credit cards. You will also need to consider your needs seriously from you wants. That means fancy hair appointments and manicures may have to go. Only consider you daily necessities. Also, call your creditors and ask for help.
- Free up more cash to pay down debt.
If your debt has become overwhelming, it is time to reevaluate your lifestyle and make some serious changes. You may have to consider living in a smaller home, driving an older car, reducing your utility bills. Do not think of it as a punishment. It is an investment in your future. Think of the freedom you will have when you no longer have to be burdened by debt.
- Consider Bankruptcy.
Bankruptcy is a serious decision that should be discussed with a professional. However, if you are already cutting everything down to the bone, and still overwhelmed, bankruptcy may be an option for you. Bankruptcy could be looked at like an investment in your future. Still, it should not be considered lightly. Consider all other options first.
- Get support.
There are so many people out there who have been in the same scenario as you. Search engines are your friend. Check out the many websites and blogs from others who are getting out of debt. Join Debtors Anonymous to have a support group that can keep you accountable. Talk to others about your struggle. You never know who might be willing to help. Stay focused and remember you are not alone.
Debt could be the one major thing keeping you from living life in recovery to the fullest. Instead of getting deeper into debt, you should focus on getting out of it. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.
(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)
Author: Shernide Delva
Yay! You graduated college! Diploma in hand ready to go…
Wait, now what?
That exact question is what college graduates struggle to cope with. Post-college depression is an issue often underestimated and not discussed enough. However,post-college depression can lead to many unhealthy behaviors because of the insecurity and disappointment of entering the real world.
For many, college is a time to make friends, socialize and finish school. Your life is a bit of an educational bubble. You are an adult, yet your routines revolve around your class schedules. There is no need to think about major life decisions, and maybe you brushed things off declaring that you would face those obstacles “after graduation.”
Then graduation happens and the questions swirl. “What am I going to do with my life?” Alternatively, “Will I ever be able to support myself financially?” and even worse “Was this investment worth it?” Of course, everyone is different. Personally, I have no regrets about going to college, but I do struggle with patience and motivation.
Post-college depression is unlike regular depression. Typically, post-college depression has different symptoms than actual clinical depression. Nonetheless, if left unaddressed, it becomes harder to overcome.
Symptoms of Post-College Depression
- Addiction: In college, it may have been normal to go to the occasional crazy party, however after college; some people become addicted to drugs and alcohol to fill the voids in their life. Drinking and drugs become more than just a fun night out. It becomes a full blown addiction.
- Fear: After college, many hesitate to take the next step into their career. For example, you may feel the fear that you will fail and not be successful. Because of this fear, you may avoid getting a stable job, buying a house or making major career decisions. Ultimately, fear prevents you from moving forward. Depression can become worse once a person realizes it has been a year or two post-college and little has been accomplished.
- Loneliness: It is very common to feel lonely after college. In college, you may have had a group of classmates you saw on a daily basis. Maybe you were in clubs and loved going to the campus gym. Now college is over, and your life is nowhere near the same. Your classmates are moving away for job opportunities, and life is staring you in the eyes. Feelings of intense loneliness can be overwhelming during this timeframe.
- Unemployment: The biggest reason for depression after college is the lack of a job. This is a very common symptom. Learning your major was one thing, finding a job in your major is whole other ball field. When the economy is on a decline, it can feel overwhelming trying to find a financially stable job in your major. After months of trying, depression may set in, and you feel hopeless and like a failure. Hang in there and keep trying. This is a very common symptom and just means it is time to consider all your options, even options you would never have considered before. Opening your mind is crucial during this time.
After college, the structure and stability you’ve grown accustomed to are over. The transition can be a piece of cake for some; however others struggle with functioning after college is over. Also, college is a time where depression rates peak and leaving college can make pre-existing clinical depression worse.
How to Overcome Post-College Depression
Now that we know all the reasons for post-college depression, the next step is to understand how to overcome it. Here are seven suggestions to get you on the right path:
- Get a Job: I know, easier said than done. However, this is a crucial problem holding you back from feeling secure in your life. If you have not found a way of making income, take the time to figure out how to do so. Your first job out of college may not be in your field, and that is okay. Life may go in another direction from what you studied at first, but the important thing is to keep your mind open to opportunities. Be creative and find something for now.
- Meet New People: Losing friends after college can be a bummer. The good news is you can still meet new people outside of campus. Work on your socialization skills during this time. Not only is it perfect for making new friends, but it helps with networking. Putting yourself out there is a significant step in overcoming the post-college blues.
- Join Clubs: You can still be in clubs even outside of college. There are plenty of adult groups you can find on social networking websites like Facebook and Meetup. Find a weekly group that focuses on an interest you have. Join a yoga class or volunteer in your community. There is no reason that these activities should stop once you are handed your diploma.
- Set Goals: Setting goals is the best way to overcome depression because it gives you a perspective on where your life is headed. Start out by setting small goals and accomplish them. Then set bigger goals and make a schedule on how to work on those goals each day. Goals help you feel a sense of purpose in your life, instead of feeling hopeless.
- Check in with Old Friends: Guess what? If you are feeling this low after college, chances are your friends are too. Try talking to old friends. Go out for dinner or coffee with some classmates and talk about the challenges you all are having with life after college. You all are going through the same thing and can help each other deal.
- Focus on the Present: Staying in the present is the best thing you can do for yourself. Comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disaster. Someone is always going to be doing better, and vice versa. Think about what you can do in the moment to make yourself happier. Maybe travel for a day or go to the beach. Just because your life is not where you wanted does not mean you cannot enjoy where you are now.
- Try Therapy: If your depression is becoming unmanageable, seek help. There is no reason to live life in darkness. People around you may think you are going through a normal phase of post-college life, but you know if your symptoms are becoming severe. There is no shame is seeking help from a professional. Medication may be an option for you if you need it. If you are more into natural routes, try to look up holistic treatment options for depression. There is no shame in feeling out of control. You are not alone.
Overall, if you are struggling with post-college depression, understand that plenty of people struggle with this condition. Post College is a fantastic time because you are growing and learning about yourself. It can also be a struggle. Do not fall into unhealthy coping mechanisms. Talk to someone about your depression and addiction issues. We can help. Please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.
Jamie Lee Curtis was known in her early career as a “scream queen.” She was a horror movie sensation. She starred in famous horror movies like Halloween, Halloween II, Prom Night, Terror Train and Roadgames. Then later on in her career, she did other genre films like Blue Steel and Freaky Friday. While most people know Jamie Lee Curtis from her extensive body of work, very little know about Curtis’s long addiction to opiates.
After the death of Prince, Jamie Lee Curtis felt compelled to publish an article in the Huffington Post about her struggles with addiction. Although tests have not confirmed the cause of Prince’s death, many reports are saying the musician struggled with an opiate addiction which ended his life in an overdose.
Jamie Lee Curtis, now 57, says she believes she is “one of the lucky ones.” She was able to come out of her opiate addiction alive. In her article, she illustrates the powerful lure of opioids. Curtis began taking opiates after a routine surgical procedure at 35 years old. In a 2009 article following the death of Michael Jackson, she wrote about how she soon became addicted after being prescribed the pills by her doctor.
“Most people who become addicted, like me, do so after a prescription for a painkiller following a medical procedure. Once the phenomenon of craving sets in, it is often too late,” she wrote.
Like many addicts, the moment Curtis became hooked on the drugs; she wanted it more and more.
“I too, waited anxiously for a prescription to be filled for the opiate I was secretly addicted to. I too took too many at once. I too sought to kill the emotional and physical pain with pain killers. Kill it. Make it stop.” She revealed in 2008 that it had gotten so bad that she was stealing pills from her sister.
Curtis is now 17 years in recovery. She says she can relate to Prince’s struggle with opiates because her addiction was just as toxic. She continued explaining how she not only mourns the passing of a phenomenal artist; she mourns all potential artists past and presents who get caught in this deadly addiction.
“Let’s work harder, look closer and do everything we can not to enable and in doing so, disable, our loved ones who are ill. This is what it sounds like when we all cry,” she says.
As a result of her personal addiction battle, Curtis now makes it her priority to spread awareness of this disease. She serves as a voluntary counselor and public speaker for anti-drug campaigns. In 2014, Curtis witnessed her friend overdose from a combination of alcohol and prescription medication and alcohol. Fortunately, her friend made a full recovery and was released from the hospital hours later.
Curtis says her sobriety is the greatest accomplishment of her life because it broke the cycle of addiction that was prevalent in her family. She now maintains her sobriety by being open about her past.
“Being courageous enough to acknowledge it privately with my family and friends. Working really hard at solidifying it, getting support around it and being healthy. And then talking about it publicly. That is the single greatest accomplishment of my life, “ she says.
Curtis has an amazing story of recovery; however it certainly was not easy for her to get to that point. It took work and acknowledging she had a problem. Therefore, if you are struggling with addiction, the time is now to admit that you need help with this disease. Call us today. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-777-9588.
Author: Shernide Delva
In areas where bar crawls were once a standard weekend ritual, a new trend is taking over, and it does not seem to be stopping anytime soon. The trend is sober juice crawls, and millennials are flocking all over the country to celebrate. All this non-alcoholic fun has resulted in researchers pondering, is sober becoming the new drunk?
Juice crawls are only one of many booze-free events in the US catering towards millennials who want to ditch the booze for clarity. New York is a prime location for Juice Crawls. At one crawl in the big apple, participants forego alcohol shots in favor for juice shots with names like “Dr. Feelgood” and “Kalefornia.”
The Guardian highlighted this trend by visiting a monthly juice crawl event where participants hop from different shops and sample 19 flavors of juices in a 2 oz. plastic cup. This event is just one of many that have popped up in major US cities to cater to the millennials who are now saying no to alcohol.
The people who go to these events are not all recovering addicts. In fact, it is quite the contrary. These juice crawl groups are full of people who would rather engage in mindfulness activities and indulge in healthy juices then wake up with a hangover. While in the past, cutting booze would have been a significant social change, now events like these are more mainstream.
In addition to these crawls, there are now sober day races, alcohol-free bars, boozeless dinner, and alcohol-free dance parties. There is even a sober social network and a dating app for sober people that became so popular, it temporarily shut down.
In these tough economic times, many millennials are opting to stay away from alcohol. A recent study on millennials in five countries found that 75% of those surveyed drink in moderation when they go out at night.
Auzeen Saedi is a clinical psychologist that spends lots of time with younger patients. She mentioned in an article the biggest fear millennials have about the future is fear:
“I think the pressures are higher because [young] people see that even if you have a great degree, that does not guarantee you a job by any means.”
All of this uncertainty is due to the financial strains millennials have observed the past few years, and understanding that nothing is guaranteed upon graduation. Fortunately, mindfulness and yoga have become extremely trendy, and millennials often use these activities for stress-relief.
“Right now there are all these yogi Instagram celebrities with millions of followers … and they’re not drinking beer, they’re drinking juice,” she says. “Mindfulness, in a way, is the new church.”
Spirituality is becoming a big practice among millennials. Many are opting for meditation retreats to connect to something higher. The great thing about these retreats is that they reduce stress, and allow the ability to go on vacation with a purpose without fear of being intoxicated. The trend has saturated social media. On Instagram, there are celebrities with millions of follows. They are not drinking beer. They are not promoting the drunken party life. They are exercising, meditating and drinking juice.
Of course, not everyone loves this trend. Ross Haenfler became a straight-edge punk in the late 80s and was part of a group that embraced drug and alcohol in favor of political activism. Haenfler believes these new sober groups need to have a bigger message that fights more significant issues such as consumerism, homophobia, and racism. Otherwise, he questions the motive behind it all and whether or not people are participating in it due to the sudden popularity.
Overall, the clean healthy living movement is full of those who rather opt for glowing skin and yoga classes than party like it’s 1999. For most, it is far from a political movement. But regardless of the reasons people do it, more and more people are finding sober outings a more enjoyable experience for the mind, body, and soul than boozing up all night ever was.
The culture of drinking is changing, and more and more people would rather socialize through healthy activities than using drugs and alcohol as a conversation starter. If you are struggling, remember there is life after recovery. It is up to you to discover what that looks like. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free 1-800-951-6135.