Dug and Heidi McGuirk Answer “How Do I Set Boundaries?”
A few weeks ago, we covered the dangers of enabling discussed in the Revolutionary Growth video, “How do I know I’m Enabling?” Dug and Heidi McGuirk explained enabling and how to stop doing it. The best way to stop enabling is through setting boundaries with your addicted loved one.
Furthermore, in the next video, Dug and Heidi McGuirk, who run the Revolutionary Family program for Palm Healthcare, answer:
How Do I Set A Boundary?
After you have made the decision NOT to enable your addicted loved one, the next step is to set clear boundaries. At this point, you have decided to no longer support their addiction. Instead, you are determined to support their recovery and beyond.
To do this, you must set healthy boundaries, but how exactly does one set healthy boundaries?
First, it is important to remember you are setting boundaries, not ultimatums.
“It’s all about you. You can’t set a boundary to manipulate another person. That’s called an ultimatum. We aren’t doing an ultimatum. Those don’t work,” Heidi McGuirk says.
“We are doing a boundary which is people are going to do what they’re going to do, and you need to decide how you are going to experience what they’re going to do, and that’s it.”
It is crucial to take steps to ensure your addicted loved one knows where you stand. Do not become upset and argue with them if they do not abide. Do not tell them to simply stop their behavior. Instead, commit to your boundaries.
Dug and Heidi McGuirk’s steps to creating clear boundaries:
- Be Clear:
Let your addicted loved one know what it is that you won’t tolerate and what your plan is if they do not abide.
- Use Direct Assertive Language:
No “wishy-washy” behavior. Use very few words and let them know the consequences.
- Make Consequences You Will Follow Through On:
Try not to make consequences that are unmanageable. Make consequences that you can commit and follow through on consistently.
- Check for Understanding:
Make sure that they have heard you. If needed, have a cheat sheet to communicate more effectively.
How to Create a Boundary “Cheat Sheet”
If you struggle with communicating boundaries and consequences, Heidi and Dug McGuirk recommend carrying a cheat sheet that will help guide you through the process.
Cheat Sheet Example:
“When you ___, I feel ___; I want___ If you___, I will___.”
Here is how the cheat sheet can be applied when communicating boundaries:
Cheat Sheet Applied for Drunken Behavior:
- “When you come home drunk, I feel nervous, scared and violated. I want to have a sober, healthy and safe home to live in. If you come home drunk again, I will leave for the night; lock the doors, ask you to get treatment, etc…”
Cheat Sheet Applied for Verbal Aggression:
- “When you speak to me that way, I feel assaulted, attacked, upset, frustrated, scared, and violated. I want to be able to have a rational discussion with you. I want to feel safe in our conversations together. I want to not be around that anymore. If you continue to speak to me that way, I will walk away, leave, hang up the phone, etc…”
The key is to follow through with the boundaries you set:
“You might have to leave, walk away, hang up the phone 25 times, but the key to this is to follow through because that’s really how you teach people how to treat you so make sure you’re prepared to do what you say you are going to do,” Heidi McGuirk says.
After some consistency, your loved one will know what you are going to do and when you are going to do it whenever they mess up. Eventually, all you will have to do is give them “the look, ” and they will know exactly where you stand.
If you want to read more about boundaries, download our free E-book “What is the Difference between Helping and Hurting?”
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The Importance of Commitment
Dug McGuirk explains this concept of “the look” using their toddler, Ellie, as an example. Often, toddlers know exactly what you are going to do because the boundaries were followed through with many times in the past.
“There’s sometimes the look or the countdown or the whatever. You do that a few times, and they know what’s going to happen because it’s been implemented,” Dug McGuirk says.
However, this awareness will only happen if you follow through with the consequences consistently. Do not become lax with your boundaries. It is important it is to commit to boundaries even in weaker moments.
Heidi McGuirk describes how their toddler Ellie would receive a time-out every time she smacked her. It was important Ellie knew this behavior was inappropriate. One night, right before bed, Ellie decided to smack her again.
Heidi McGuirk knew she was tired, in bed, and knew giving their daughter a time-out would be a major inconvenience. However, she realized this is exactly why enabling behaviors happens.
Often, the loved ones of addicts do not follow through with their boundaries because they are constantly tested during these inconvenient moments. It is important to follow through when tested during weaker moments so that your addicted loved ones knows you are serious.
“What I’m saying is the more that you practice your chops at holding your line, the less testing they’ll be” Heidi McGuirk states.
“Patience and Discipline are the parents of execution,” Dug McGuirk affirms.
Overall, setting boundaries is a matter of knowing what you need and knowing how you want to experience your loved one’s addiction. The next part is committing to the boundaries you set. We know it is not easy. Therefore, if you have a loved one struggling with addiction, of if you are having trouble dealing with your loved one’s addiction, please reach out to us. We want to help. Do not wait. Call now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)
Author: Shernide Delva
The numbers of overdose deaths in Palm Beach County continue to rise with each passing year. Shocking numbers released from last year overwhelm local authorities and residents.
In 2016, reports reveal that someone died of an opioid overdose in Palm Beach County every 15 hours. This is double the rates of fatal car crashes and murders in the county.
In total, 590 overdose deaths occurred last year. That number is twice as many as the year before, according to a Palm Beach Post analysis of records from the Palm Beach County Medical Examiner’s Office.
“That’s just a phenomenal number,” state Dr. Michael Bell, the medical examiner. “I don’t see any stop.”
The numbers of deaths related to fentanyl rose to 310 from 91 the year prior. Fentanyl is a painkiller 100 times more potent than morphine. It is often cut with heroin to produce a more powerful high. Fentanyl in heroin increases a person’s susceptibility to an overdose.
An even more deadly combination is heroin mixed with carfentanil. Carfentanil is an elephant tranquilizer that was not even tracked before 2016. Carfentanil is 10,000 times stronger than morphine. At least 109 overdose deaths were linked to heroin laced with carfentanil.
Since 2012, opioid-related deaths have almost quadrupled, according to statistics shared Tuesday with the Palm Beach County Commission.
A 2015 Palm Beach Post investigation focused on 216 heroin-related deaths— those that contained heroin, morphine or fentanyl, but not Oxycodone and its derivatives.With similar standards applied to the 2016 opioid-related deaths, about 90 percent appear to be heroin-related. Of those, 6 percent were determined to be suicide.
In 2016, Bell’s office first started testing for and tracking carfentanil. Carfentanil killed more people than homicide in Palm Beach County. The constant changes can be difficult to keep up with.
“It becomes a real challenge to be able to keep up with all the changes that can be made to that molecule of fentanyl,” Bell said. “It’s much more dangerous; it’s much more more fatal in smaller concentrations than heroin or morphine.
“And probably the biggest problem is that nobody takes just one drug anymore. The overdoses we see are combinations of drugs,” he said.
The majority of the 590 people who died from overdoses had more than one chemical in their system. Combining drugs only increases the risk of an overdose, and increases the fatality rates.
The variety of drugs in overdose patients results in more funds used on naloxone, a drug that reverses the effect of opioids, also known as Narcan.
Last year, Palm Beach County spent $205,000 on naloxone, up from $18,000 in 2012. A typical dose is half a milligram. Rescue crews are now administrating as much as 10 milligrams to revive a patient.
“That is unheard of. We are first in the country to step up to that level,” Fire Rescue Capt. Houston Park said. “We are combating a drug that was much stronger than anything we have seen before.”
Unfortunately, the pace continues to rise in 2017.
Through April 6, Bell says his office has already received 157 overdose cases involving all drugs. While he does not know how many cases primarily involve opioids, the toxicology reports will identify this in the future.
The workload in his office topped 2,000 cases.
“That’s a 60 percent increase in the last two years, which is almost exclusively due to these opioid overdoses,” Bell told county commissioners on Tuesday. “It’s not like we’re getting more homicides. We’re not getting more heart attacks, more elder falls and head trauma. This is all due to opioid fatalities.”
The numbers in Palm Beach County continue to rise year after year. It is devastating to see these numbers in our backyard. That is why it is crucial you reach out for treatment. With powerful combinations of heroin with carfentanil or fentanyl, your next high could be your last. Do not wait. Call now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
According to research, 25 percent of adults treated for alcohol and substance abuse have ADHD.
The two often go hand in hand, according to WebMD.
Common hallmarks of ADHD such as low attention span and impulsiveness make a person diagnosed with ADHD more vulnerable to patterns of addiction. Furthermore, the stress of undiagnosed ADHD make drugs and alcohol more tempting, the study notes.
“I see a lot of young women who will tell me that they’ve been able to gut it out and get through, but it’s been because what typically takes someone an hour or two to do at work takes them four hours. They’ve been getting to work early and staying late,” says Dr. Timothy Wilens, Chief of Child Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital.
A 2010 study titled “A Sobering Fact: ADHD Leads to Substance Abuse” explained the connection between substance abuse and ADHD. It turns out, the risk of substance abuse among those with ADHD is “two to three times higher” than for people without the disorder.
Of course, what comes first? In a chicken-or-egg fashion, we must look into whether ADHD leads to substance abuse, or whether the treatment of ADHD (with drugs like Adderall and Ritalin) plays a role.
In a Vice article, Niall Greene explained how he was not aware of his ADHD for most of his life. He just knew he constantly needed stimulation throughout the day. Soon, that stimulation emerged in the form of drinking and drugs. From the time he was 15, he blacked out every time he drank. By his 20s, he was doing cocaine compulsively and would sometimes take five ecstasy tablets at a time.
He says he was not doing this for fun. He was doing it out of desperation.
By 18, Greene moved to New York where he “spent every penny on drinking.” After bouncing from city to city, Greene realized he could not maintain a job. Nothing in his life was stable. He was spending all his money on gambling and alcohol.
Finally, he entered rehab where he met with a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with ADHD. It was the first time anyone had mentioned the disorder to him. Greene looked everywhere for information on how to deal with adult ADHD, but there was little to be found.
Does Adult ADHD Even Exist?
That’s because until recently, Adult ADHD was not “thought to exist,” according to Dr. Howard Schubiner, an expert, and researcher on the disorder.
“It was thought to be a disorder of children that dissolved when they hit puberty,” he notes.
The CDC estimates that 6.4 million children ages four to 17 have been diagnosed with ADHD in the United States. But then those kids grow up.
Now, doctors are realizing that ADHD is not something that simply goes away with age. Some 4.4 percent of adults in America struggle with ADHD, which in 2000, cost the United States $31.6 billion in health care costs and lost work hours.
The complex part of the epidemic is that ADHD manifests in a variety of ways in adulthood. While hyperactivity is commonly associated with ADHD, this does seem to lessen into adulthood. However, inattentiveness does not.
“It’s still there, but kind of internalized,” Schubiner says.
One way it internalizes is through addiction. In a 2005 study, 20-40 percent of adult children with ADHD had a history of substance abuse.
Studies show that people with ADHD typically turn to drugs as a way of making up for the deficit of dopamine in their brains. Still, Schubiner and other researchers question whether common treatments for ADHD—stimulants like Adderall and Ritalin—may also lead to the addiction spiral.
For now, there is no evidence to confirm this.
“There’s very little evidence that treating ADHD increases the risk for cigarette or substance abuse—it reduces the risk,” says Wilens.
A study of 25,000 ADHD patients noticed a downward trend in criminal behavior (including drug-related offenses) after those with ADHD took medication to treat the disorder.
“The signals seem to say if you continue on your medicine, there probably is a continued reduction in the risk [of substance abuse],” Wilens says. “At the very least, it doesn’t worsen the risk.”
“I think everybody in the field agrees, if you can get a toehold on the addiction, you should think about treating the ADHD relatively quickly,” he says. “If you treat ADHD aggressively and you monitor for substance abuse, you’re going to reduce [delinquency].”
After Greene was diagnosed with ADHD and completed treatment, he says he finally found stability. However, he struggles to spread awareness because Adult ADHD comes with a stigma.
“It’s like the black sheep of mental health conditions,” he says.
Last year, Jerome Kagan, Psychologist, and Professor at Harvard University debunked the existence of ADHD altogether:
“(ADHD) is an invention. Every child who’s not doing well in school is sent to see a pediatrician, and the pediatrician says: “It’s ADHD; here’s Ritalin.” In fact, 90 percent of these 5.4 million (ADHD-diagnosed) kids don’t have an abnormal dopamine metabolism. The problem is, if a drug is available to doctors, they’ll make the corresponding diagnosis.”
Kagan believes ADHD is over diagnosed, and says most people simply need guidance.
However, for Greene, this was far from the case. Treating his ADHD helped him to feel in control for the first time in his life. Three years ago, Greene started Adult ADHD NI, a nonprofit dedicated to aiding other adults across Northern Ireland with the disorder. His mission is to help others struggling like he once was, regardless of those who think ADHD does not exist.
“I embrace the challenge,” he says.
There clearly is a relationship between ADHD and substance use disorder. The question is, how did we address it? If you had either conditions and are struggling, please reach out for help. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
Chris Brown and Lil Wayne are in hot water after both artists were alleged to have incriminating text messages. Both were named in a federal drug investigation of music producer Harrison “Cuban Harry” Garcia, who stands accused of dealing cough syrup and other narcotics.
Garcia allegedly sent incriminating texts that have implicated himself, Chris Brown and Lil Wayne in drug dealing. Authorities presented screenshots from Garcia to one of Lil Wayne’s underlings that reference a marijuana deal:
“I’ll shoot u some trees… It’s for Wayne.”
Garcia also admitted to police that he sold “a lot of narcotics” to Wayne.
Garcia has texts sent to a female friend in which he brags about receiving a bank wire for $15,000 from a “Christopher Brown,” according to U.S Homeland Security.
“Look who put money my account,” Garcia wrote to his friend. When the friend questioned what the money was for, Garcia responded, “Drugs … lean and sh*t.”
Lean, also known as “sizzurp” or “purple drank” is a cocktail of prescription-strength cough syrup mixed with Sprite or Mountain Dew and Jolly Rancher Candy. It has been popularized for many decades by rappers like Lil Wayne and R&B singer Chris Brown. It also was mentioned in the song ’Sippin on some Sizzurp” by Three 6 Mafia.
Both Lil Wayne and Chris Brown have a history of trouble with this particular drug cocktail. Lil Wayne suffered seizures, and Chris Brown’s associates claim Brown is sipping his way to rock bottom.
On Garcia’s Instagram, there are photos of stacks of cash funds and drugs; this is what initially attracted federal investigators in the first place. Homeland Security agent Geoffrey Goodwin presented the photos to the jury that featured piles of gold jewelry, a pendant featuring purple liquid in a foam cup (usually what lean is slurped from) and teeth grillz that were “somewhat bejeweled.”
“I had an image to portray, to boost up my followers,” Garcia said in court, explaining the photos. “I guess it’s just the music industry.”
Garcia has been caught selling drugs to informants twice and has been arrested for his involvement in pharmacy robberies in Florida. The investigation is still open.
As of today, Garcia’s accounts are now on private. In the past, he was known for posting photos with extravagant cars, guns, and sneakers.
Lean contains codeine, an opiate similar to heroin, OxyContin or Vicodin. For several years ‘gangster rap’ artists have glorified ‘purple drank’ in the lyrics of rap/hip-hop music. However, the danger of the drug remains despite the glorification. Big Moe, a DJ Screw protégé, who rapped excessively about this drink died at age 33 in 2007, after suffering a heart attack one week earlier that left him in a coma.
Possible short-term side effects:
- increased heart rate
- slowed breathing
- slumping over
- stiff muscles
Possible long-term side effects:
Codeine is a light narcotic typically used to suppress a cough, but in stronger concentrations, it can suppress breathing or rapidly lower blood pressure. A common sign of narcotic intoxication is small pupils. Codeine is the ingredient that makes lean addiction. Over time, the effects of lean rear off, therefore the quest continues to get high.
How do you feel this case should be handled? Should Chris Brown and Lil Wayne face charges due to these allege incriminating text messages?
One thing for certain is that this “purple drank” is not fun and games. It is a dangerously addictive drug. If you are struggling with any form of substance abuse, please call now. We are waiting for your call.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Justin Mckibben
Now this is a pretty popular question. Whether it is coming from someone trying to dodge a consequence heading their way, or a parent trying to make sure they know what to look for when worried about their kids, it isn’t a cut and dry answer. The modern drug test in general is a marvel of medical science and technology; both the home testing kits and the big corporate labs that investigate with the more extensive and expensive methods.
Some people are worried they indulge too much and want to keep out of hot water with their probation officer, while others might even be testing themselves to find out if something was slipped to them. Businesses will use them to test employees and applicants. Hospitals and doctors may use them to try and collect what they need to solve a medical puzzle.
At the end of the day, some people have a habit of blaming the drug test for being in their way from getting where they need to go. But, what if it is the drugs, or even a serious addiction, that is really in their way?
What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: Different Drug Tests
Before we can ask what drugs don’t show up on a drug test we have to ask what kind of drug test we are taking?
There are 5 primary types of drug tests.
These are the most common types of home drug test kits since they are the least expensive of the test methods. Urine tests are:
- Considered an intrusive method of testing
- Easily done at home, but do require lab verification for accurate results
- Primarily detect use within the past week (longer with regular use)
- Typically temperature tested to insure sample integrity
These are probably the most common form of drug test, and different kits may provide a different variety of screenings.
These tests are a little more expensive than urine tests, but still less than hair and blood tests. Saliva tests are:
- Considered relatively un-intrusive
- Easy to administer but require lab to ensure accuracy
- Detect use primarily within the past few days
- Can detect more recent use than other testing methods.
Saliva drug tests have no nationally accepted standards or cut-off concentrations for detection, making results greatly dependent on the specific testing product. However, saliva drug tests are becoming more common.
This form of drug test is still relatively uncommon, and probably because the patch to absorb the sweat must be worn for an extended period. Sweat tests are:
- Considered to be relatively intrusive due to extended time of application
- Controversial in terms of accuracy
One reason these tests are so controversial and unpopular is because there is belief that any surface contamination (such as second hand cannabis smoke) can actually cause false readings.
These are several times more expensive than urine drug tests, usually ranging over the $100 mark. Hair tests:
- Detect substance use over a longer time period (up to months or even over a year)
- BUT do not often detect short-term use
- Can determine when some substances were used and/or discontinued
- Test for a wider range of drugs and with more detail
Another advantage the hair drug test has is that shampoos and follicle cleansing do not reliably remove traces of drugs from hair.
These are the most expensive method of drug testing. Of course with tracking drug use by blood tests, they are considered to be:
- Most intrusive method
- Most accurate form of drug testing
- Still the least common method, most likely due to cost
As with most anything, it is easier to track something through the blood, so this test is a tough one to try and fool.
What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: Drug Sensitivity
Another important question when trying to figure out what drugs don’t show up on a drug test, people need to take into account the testing products sensitivity. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (SAMHSA) provides guidelines for what constitutes a “positive” result.
However, companies are getting around these guidelines by reporting the levels found without categorizing them as a “positive” or “negative” test. They just show that trace amounts are being shown, which would infer use.
The reality is, pretty much every form of the most common illicit substances (cannabis/opioids/amphetamines/etc.) will show up on a drug test. It is much harder to find drugs that wouldn’t leave any trace, and these drugs are often unpredictable and especially toxic.
What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: Synthetic Drugs
There are a number of drugs that are synthetic versions of common illicit substances, and many of these dangerous substances are undetectable drugs. This is a horrifying reality that many are trying to fight, because these are some of the most harmful drugs on the streets. Synthetic drugs like Bath Salts, Salvia, and synthetic marijuana like Spice have all appeared in numerous headlines over the last few years are claiming lives and doing real damage.
These drugs may manage to slide under the radar of some tests, but tests for these synthetics have begun to develop as they have become increasingly volatile and unpredictable.
The biggest issue with these drugs is they are often advertised as “safer” and “legal” alternatives. However, the “legal” aspect is a grey area depending on the substance, and we have seen time and time again they are not “safe”.
What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: What to Do?
Whether you are a cautious employer, concerned parent or someone who is trying to get away with something, substance abuse and addiction are very real issues. Anyone looking for ways to trick a drug test should take a moment to see there is probably something wrong when getting high is more important than getting a job, staying out of legal trouble, etc.
If you are worried about a loved one, learn how to look for the signs of substance abuse. Start a conversation about the risks of addiction and learn about the long-term effects. Don’t wait until things get worse.
Dodging drug tests and using unknown and hazardous chemicals just to get high is not a productive way to live. If the dependence on substances is so severe that you have to ask what drugs don’t show up on a drug test, you might want to think about asking- why do I need any drug this bad?
Instead of looking for ways around it, try to find a way to work and go through it. Recovery is always a better option.
Drug and alcohol abuse should be taken seriously. Faking drug tests is also not getting any easier, with plenty of new found methods of testing for drugs being researched. Getting treatment is a better plan than trying to get away with it, especially since ‘getting away with it’ can eventually end up costing someone their life. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135