Dug and Heidi McGuirk Answer “How Do I Set Boundaries?”
A few weeks ago, we covered the dangers of enabling discussed in the Revolutionary Growth video, “How do I know I’m Enabling?” Dug and Heidi McGuirk explained enabling and how to stop doing it. The best way to stop enabling is through setting boundaries with your addicted loved one.
Furthermore, in the next video, Dug and Heidi McGuirk, who run the Revolutionary Family program for Palm Healthcare, answer:
How Do I Set A Boundary?
After you have made the decision NOT to enable your addicted loved one, the next step is to set clear boundaries. At this point, you have decided to no longer support their addiction. Instead, you are determined to support their recovery and beyond.
To do this, you must set healthy boundaries, but how exactly does one set healthy boundaries?
First, it is important to remember you are setting boundaries, not ultimatums.
“It’s all about you. You can’t set a boundary to manipulate another person. That’s called an ultimatum. We aren’t doing an ultimatum. Those don’t work,” Heidi McGuirk says.
“We are doing a boundary which is people are going to do what they’re going to do, and you need to decide how you are going to experience what they’re going to do, and that’s it.”
It is crucial to take steps to ensure your addicted loved one knows where you stand. Do not become upset and argue with them if they do not abide. Do not tell them to simply stop their behavior. Instead, commit to your boundaries.
Dug and Heidi McGuirk’s steps to creating clear boundaries:
- Be Clear:
Let your addicted loved one know what it is that you won’t tolerate and what your plan is if they do not abide.
- Use Direct Assertive Language:
No “wishy-washy” behavior. Use very few words and let them know the consequences.
- Make Consequences You Will Follow Through On:
Try not to make consequences that are unmanageable. Make consequences that you can commit and follow through on consistently.
- Check for Understanding:
Make sure that they have heard you. If needed, have a cheat sheet to communicate more effectively.
How to Create a Boundary “Cheat Sheet”
If you struggle with communicating boundaries and consequences, Heidi and Dug McGuirk recommend carrying a cheat sheet that will help guide you through the process.
Cheat Sheet Example:
“When you ___, I feel ___; I want___ If you___, I will___.”
Here is how the cheat sheet can be applied when communicating boundaries:
Cheat Sheet Applied for Drunken Behavior:
- “When you come home drunk, I feel nervous, scared and violated. I want to have a sober, healthy and safe home to live in. If you come home drunk again, I will leave for the night; lock the doors, ask you to get treatment, etc…”
Cheat Sheet Applied for Verbal Aggression:
- “When you speak to me that way, I feel assaulted, attacked, upset, frustrated, scared, and violated. I want to be able to have a rational discussion with you. I want to feel safe in our conversations together. I want to not be around that anymore. If you continue to speak to me that way, I will walk away, leave, hang up the phone, etc…”
The key is to follow through with the boundaries you set:
“You might have to leave, walk away, hang up the phone 25 times, but the key to this is to follow through because that’s really how you teach people how to treat you so make sure you’re prepared to do what you say you are going to do,” Heidi McGuirk says.
After some consistency, your loved one will know what you are going to do and when you are going to do it whenever they mess up. Eventually, all you will have to do is give them “the look, ” and they will know exactly where you stand.
If you want to read more about boundaries, download our free E-book “What is the Difference between Helping and Hurting?”
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The Importance of Commitment
Dug McGuirk explains this concept of “the look” using their toddler, Ellie, as an example. Often, toddlers know exactly what you are going to do because the boundaries were followed through with many times in the past.
“There’s sometimes the look or the countdown or the whatever. You do that a few times, and they know what’s going to happen because it’s been implemented,” Dug McGuirk says.
However, this awareness will only happen if you follow through with the consequences consistently. Do not become lax with your boundaries. It is important it is to commit to boundaries even in weaker moments.
Heidi McGuirk describes how their toddler Ellie would receive a time-out every time she smacked her. It was important Ellie knew this behavior was inappropriate. One night, right before bed, Ellie decided to smack her again.
Heidi McGuirk knew she was tired, in bed, and knew giving their daughter a time-out would be a major inconvenience. However, she realized this is exactly why enabling behaviors happens.
Often, the loved ones of addicts do not follow through with their boundaries because they are constantly tested during these inconvenient moments. It is important to follow through when tested during weaker moments so that your addicted loved ones knows you are serious.
“What I’m saying is the more that you practice your chops at holding your line, the less testing they’ll be” Heidi McGuirk states.
“Patience and Discipline are the parents of execution,” Dug McGuirk affirms.
Overall, setting boundaries is a matter of knowing what you need and knowing how you want to experience your loved one’s addiction. The next part is committing to the boundaries you set. We know it is not easy. Therefore, if you have a loved one struggling with addiction, of if you are having trouble dealing with your loved one’s addiction, please reach out to us. We want to help. Do not wait. Call now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
Author: Shernide Delva
Chris Brown and Lil Wayne are in hot water after both artists were alleged to have incriminating text messages. Both were named in a federal drug investigation of music producer Harrison “Cuban Harry” Garcia, who stands accused of dealing cough syrup and other narcotics.
Garcia allegedly sent incriminating texts that have implicated himself, Chris Brown and Lil Wayne in drug dealing. Authorities presented screenshots from Garcia to one of Lil Wayne’s underlings that reference a marijuana deal:
“I’ll shoot u some trees… It’s for Wayne.”
Garcia also admitted to police that he sold “a lot of narcotics” to Wayne.
Garcia has texts sent to a female friend in which he brags about receiving a bank wire for $15,000 from a “Christopher Brown,” according to U.S Homeland Security.
“Look who put money my account,” Garcia wrote to his friend. When the friend questioned what the money was for, Garcia responded, “Drugs … lean and sh*t.”
Lean, also known as “sizzurp” or “purple drank” is a cocktail of prescription-strength cough syrup mixed with Sprite or Mountain Dew and Jolly Rancher Candy. It has been popularized for many decades by rappers like Lil Wayne and R&B singer Chris Brown. It also was mentioned in the song ’Sippin on some Sizzurp” by Three 6 Mafia.
Both Lil Wayne and Chris Brown have a history of trouble with this particular drug cocktail. Lil Wayne suffered seizures, and Chris Brown’s associates claim Brown is sipping his way to rock bottom.
On Garcia’s Instagram, there are photos of stacks of cash funds and drugs; this is what initially attracted federal investigators in the first place. Homeland Security agent Geoffrey Goodwin presented the photos to the jury that featured piles of gold jewelry, a pendant featuring purple liquid in a foam cup (usually what lean is slurped from) and teeth grillz that were “somewhat bejeweled.”
“I had an image to portray, to boost up my followers,” Garcia said in court, explaining the photos. “I guess it’s just the music industry.”
Garcia has been caught selling drugs to informants twice and has been arrested for his involvement in pharmacy robberies in Florida. The investigation is still open.
As of today, Garcia’s accounts are now on private. In the past, he was known for posting photos with extravagant cars, guns, and sneakers.
Lean contains codeine, an opiate similar to heroin, OxyContin or Vicodin. For several years ‘gangster rap’ artists have glorified ‘purple drank’ in the lyrics of rap/hip-hop music. However, the danger of the drug remains despite the glorification. Big Moe, a DJ Screw protégé, who rapped excessively about this drink died at age 33 in 2007, after suffering a heart attack one week earlier that left him in a coma.
Possible short-term side effects:
- increased heart rate
- slowed breathing
- slumping over
- stiff muscles
Possible long-term side effects:
Codeine is a light narcotic typically used to suppress a cough, but in stronger concentrations, it can suppress breathing or rapidly lower blood pressure. A common sign of narcotic intoxication is small pupils. Codeine is the ingredient that makes lean addiction. Over time, the effects of lean rear off, therefore the quest continues to get high.
How do you feel this case should be handled? Should Chris Brown and Lil Wayne face charges due to these allege incriminating text messages?
One thing for certain is that this “purple drank” is not fun and games. It is a dangerously addictive drug. If you are struggling with any form of substance abuse, please call now. We are waiting for your call.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
As most know by now, the opioid epidemic has reached epic proportions. In the U.S. alone, more than 15 million people abuse prescription drugs. The leading cause of accidental death in the United States are opioid overdoses, with 52,404 lethal drug overdoses in 2015.
In 2012, 259 million prescriptions were written for painkillers, such as Vicodin and OxyContin. When these drugs are abused, they present some of the same risks as heroin on the street. Furthermore, as prescription opioids are regulated, more and more people are turning to heroin making the risk of a fatal overdose even greater.
With all that said, how exactly do opioids affect the body? We wanted to explore several areas of the body and understand how opioid abuse specifically affected each area. Whether it is prescription drugs or heroin, opioids affect almost every part of your body. Long-term use can lead to permanent damage to your health. Read on further to learn how the body reacts to abuse of opioids. Treatment can put a stop to the risk and address issues that may have already arisen in the body.
The Effects of Opioid Use on the Body:
Painkillers are known to have side effects such as extreme drowsiness which can result in needing stimulant medication to counteract this effect. For example, heroin can elicit profound drowsiness. Abusers frequently experience bouts of ‘nodding off’ as they slip in and out of consciousness. Over time, the use of painkillers results in an increased risk fo major depression. Patients using painkillers for more than six months has a 50 percent greater chance of developing depressive episodes.
THE RESPIRATORY SYSTEM
Opioid overdoses can lead to a condition known as respiratory depression. It essentially means that breathing slows down significantly. The body goes into respiratory arrest and deprives the brain and body tissues of oxygen.
THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM
Opioids affect the muscles of the digestive system making constipation common. This effect is due to the slowing of the digestive transit. The gastrointestinal motility and chronic constipation associated with opioid abuse can lead to more severe conditions such as small bowel obstruction, perforation, and resultant peritonitis. Nausea is very common among opioid users along with sudden, uncontrollable vomiting.
THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
The chronic use of opioid painkillers can lead to a syndrome that can increase your sensitivity to pain resulting in a condition known as hyperalgesia. Furthermore, opioid use may result in psychomotor impairment and an overall slowing of a person’s physical movements and loss of coordination.
THE IMMUNE SYSTEM
Opioid use affects the immune system which means you’re more vulnerable to getting illnesses or feeling under the weather. The opioid receptors regulate immunity so long-term opioid abuse can negatively affect this process.
Most people are unaware of how many opioid painkillers contain acetaminophen, the same ingredient found in Tylenol. Excessive use of these drugs can cause liver damage from toxicity. Damage to the liver is an undeniable risk to taking excessive amounts of prescription painkillers like Vicodin. When you add alcohol to the mix— as many opioid-dependent users do—it makes a risky situation, even more,
Overall, opioids affect every part of the body, and we did not even mention the psychological impacts of drug abuse. Opioid use disorder wreaks havoc on your life and the life of those around you. Do not wait for the potentially life-altering consequences of opioid abuse to take its toll. Please call to speak to a professional treatment support specialist today. Please call now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
The state of Utah plans to set the bar by being the state with the lowest DUI limit. Will other states follow?
This week, Utah lawmakers voted to lower the blood alcohol content limit for drunken driving offenses from 0.08 to 0.05. The proposal passed the Utah State Legislature and now will make its way to Governor Gary Herbert, who has indicated he supports the bill.
According to the Chicago Tribune, if Governor Herbert signs the bill, the law will go into effect on December 30, 2018, the day before New Year’s Eve. It would mark the lowest blood alcohol level in the country.
The bill was originally proposed by Rep. Normal Thurston. The measure passed the Utah Senate with a 19-11 vote. Lawmakers are split on the decision along with those in the adult beverage industry.
On one hand, some command Utah for taking steps to improve safety when it comes to driving under the influence. However, others find the bill unnecessary. Sarah Longwell of the American Beverage Institute pointed to drunk driving fatality statistics, stating:
“Over 77% of alcohol-related traffic fatalities in Utah are caused by people with [blood alcohol levels] of .15 and above.”
Furthermore, Longwell added that the average blood alcohol level in a fatal car accident tends to be 0.20—more than twice the current legal limit of 0.08. Looking at the stats, one could ponder if a law like this is even necessary. However, lawmakers praise the bill saying it corresponds to laws around the world in Southeast Asia to Europe.
While it might be the first in the United States, it is far from uncommon in other areas. Utah plans to lead the country in lowering the legal limit. A similar proposal failed in Hawaii, while another bill is currently receiving consideration in Washington.
Still, the other argument states that Utah has no need for a bill like this. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Utah already has lower drunk-driving statistics than most U.S. states. Between 2003 and 2012, 469 people have been killed in drunk driving accidents, and 0.7 percent of Utah residents complained of drinking too much compared to a national average of 1.9% of people.
The National Transportation Board (NTB) and other public health experts have agreed that all states should adopt 0.05% as the standard alcohol level. Deborah Hersman, Chairwoman of the NTB, said to the New York Times in 2013, that “there are at least 10,000 reasons to tackle the issue,” such as “the annual average of 10,000 drunk driving fatalities nationally.”
What are your thoughts on the decrease?
Driving under the influence is never a good idea; however, this clearly is a controversial and complex problem. Surprisingly, Mothers Against Drunk Driving founder Candace Lightner does not believe the drinking limit should lower. Lightner led the successful national campaign in the 80s to crack down on drunk driving. Yet, she does not support the proposal.
“I don’t believe it is a practical long-term solution,” Lightner told U.S. News. “You could go to 0.0 and that would save lives. You could go to a 40 mph speed limit and that would save lives, but you have to look at what’s realistic.”
“Running around trying to arrest everyone at .05 is impractical,” Lightner says.
She believes it is already difficult for police and prosecutors to take action at 0.08, better yet 0.05 percent. Many drivers at those limits are easily able to pass a field sobriety test.
Now, that you have heard all the sides to this issue, what are your thoughts? Should the legal drinking limit change? If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135
Author: Shernide Delva
Boston Medical Center just received $25 million, the largest donation in its history, and plans to use the money to fight the public health crisis caused by drug addiction and the opioid epidemic. The money will fund the Grayken Center for Addiction Medicine funded by the billionaire investor John Grayken.
The Grayken Center for Addiction medicine is named after billionaire investor and south shore native John Grayken and his wife, Eilene. The couple said they wanted to go public with their donation in an effort to destigmatize addiction and encourage others to follow their lead. Sadly, there is a lot of shame and stigma associated with drug abuse.
“We have not seen private philanthropy in the addiction space to the extent we see it in other areas of health care, like cancer,” said Michael Botticelli, who worked closely with BMC in his former roles as White House drug czar and head of the Massachusetts Bureau of Substance Abuse Services.
“There’s an idea that people with substance-abuse disorders are somehow less deserving of care and treatment and compassion . . . and issues of addiction can be seen as unpopular programs for unpopular people,” he added. “So this family’s donation is particularly important because they want to be open about who they are to spur other philanthropy in this space.”
Boston Medical Center president and chief executive Kate Walsh called the couple’s gift a major game changer for philanthropy in Boston “because it brings addiction medicine out of the philanthropic shadows.”
Last year, the CDC estimated that there were 33,000 overdose deaths in the country. The state of Massachusetts was not spared. Public health officials say that nearly 2,000 deaths in the state were attributed to opioid overdoses, five times more than in car crashes.
Opioids like heroin and prescription painkillers, fentanyl and oxycodone are responsible for most overdoses. Another 20 million people in the United States suffer from drug abuse or addiction, according to federal data.
“This is a public health crisis, and it’s heartbreaking,” said Walsh. “Kids and parents are struggling with this, and so many people have been in recovery and relapsed.”
In fact, opioid abuse is so prevalent that the Boston Health Care for the Homeless Program opened a room last year in which drug users could use under medical supervision. The aim was more harm prevention to offset a number of overdose deaths in the state.
Walsh said she “hadn’t even fantasized” about a gift as large as the Graykens’ and the BMC projected it would take at least 15 million to endow an addiction medicine center.
“So when the $25 million figure came through, I literally gave what I’m sure was not a very attractive happy dance!” Walsh recalled. “I hope I’m not on somebody’s videotape, but it was so enormously gratifying.”
Before this donation, the largest contribution to the hospital was two $15 million donations. Those funds went to separate facility. The BMC is a facility where more than half its patients are low-income and is reliant on government subsidies. Because the hospital deals with more low-income patients, those patients are not likely to make later contributions to express their appreciation. It is not due to patients lacking gratitude; they simply lack the funds to donate after treatment like in other hospitals.
The funds from the Graykens will help tremendously with building the addiction treatment facility at the Boston Medical Center. In addition, the fact that the donation is public sends the message to how serious addiction is and how addiction should never be stigmatized. Furthermore, if you are struggling with addiction or mental illness, know you are not alone. Call now.
CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135