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All across this country in small towns, rural areas and cities, alcoholism and drug abuse are destroying the lives of men, women and their families. Where to turn for help? What to do when friends, dignity and perhaps employment are lost?

The answer is Palm Partners Recovery Center. It’s a proven path to getting sober and staying sober.

Palm Partners’ innovative and consistently successful treatment includes: a focus on holistic health, a multi-disciplinary approach, a 12-step recovery program and customized aftercare. Depend on us for help with:

Why Shaming People with Addiction Doesn’t Really Work

Why Shaming People with Addiction Doesn’t Really Work

Author: Justin Mckibben

Does anyone else remember that episode in Game of Thrones when Cersei Lannister (played by the amazing Lena Headey) was marched naked through the streets of King’s Landing for the “walk of atonement”? During this public ritual punishment, the Queen Mother is followed by Septa Unella, who rings a bell to attract the attention of the crowd while repeatedly crying out “Shame!” to encourage the people to leer and jeer at Cersei.

Remember how well that worked out… for everyone… especially Septa Unella?

Well, in case you are one of those people who have never watched this show and have no clue what I’m talking about… SHAME!

But seriously, the thought of it drives home a big point about how people try to use shame and disgrace to modify the behaviors they disapprove of. People in modern times, outside of the 7 kingdoms, will say stuff like “shame on you” or “you should be ashamed of yourself” in an attempt to deter someone from doing something they do not agree with. Sometimes, with good intentions, parents use this tactic as an alternative to physical punishment. Other times people will use shame to manipulate and control others.

But does shame really work? In the case of shaming people with addiction, it doesn’t seem to go far at all.

Shame VS Guilt

One thing people first have to understand is the difference between shame and guilt. Some would say that someone who has no shame is someone who lacks humility or a conscience. People may say that if you don’t feel ashamed, you must think you are too good for others or have no consideration of others. However, that is not necessarily the case.

When someone feels guilt, that is something from within that compels us to see the fault in our own actions. Guilt is based on your own view of something you have said or done that has been harmful to others. It is the consciences way of keeping us in check. Guilt and shame are not the same thing.

Shame is how we experience the disapproval of others. It is the adverse emotional response to being singled out and judged by others for being wrong or doing wrong. So guilt tells us that we know something we are doing is wrong, but shame is the outside world telling us it is wrong even if we don’t feel that inside.

To sum it up:

Acting with clear knowledge that a behavior is unacceptable is what typically inspires feelings of guilt. Thus, it is associated with a specific behavior and is not likely associated with psychological distress such as depression.

Shame can relate specifically to one’s entire self. It says “I am wrong” instead of “my choice was wrong”. This can put people at risk of developing unhealthy conditions like:

Why Shaming Doesn’t Work

Shaming someone into changing is manipulating their fear or social isolation or criticism to control their behavior. Our connection to each other is so crucial for out well-being, both psychologically and physically, that it can often be used against us. For some people the level of social rejection from shaming will scare them into avoiding that emotional punishment. Yet there is still an issue with this method at its core.

It’s like in that movie Inception, when Leonardo DiCaprio taught us all how to dream within a dream (I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately). At one point they talk about how an idea implanted in the mind won’t take if the mind knows it wasn’t organic; if it didn’t come from within.

Shame can be like that. If you tell someone that they should be ashamed of themselves for using drugs, they might stop because they need the social connection. However, if they do not themselves see that their drug use is harming themselves and others, then shaming them will drive them into hiding to avoid persecution.

For many who suffer with substance use disorder the addiction itself has an extreme emotional attachment of some kind. If the individual is motivated enough to use drugs, or believes they are capable of control without consequence, the shame will only result in them hiding their problems even more and further isolating themselves.

Shame and Stigma and the Self

The shame of the stigma of addiction can be counterproductive to an addict getting help. Ultimately, shame can drive stigma and further damage the individual’s chances of personal development. People can internalize shame and sabotage their self-worth, which often causes people to care less about their own safety.

If their choices are being dictated by anxiety then the destructive habits can increase as the shame drives them to remove themselves from those who disapprove of them. This isn’t only true for addiction. Shame can influence other adverse actions, such as:

Shaming people with addiction or people with mental health disorders is only supporting the stigma that make them feel separated from us. Telling an addict to be ashamed of themselves for their addiction may force them to do something, but this strategy is vastly ineffective when compared to compassion and support.

Research has shown shame is especially damaging when inflicted by someone who the individual is deeply connected to. Parents, family members, spouses and loved ones who shame each other create lasting imprints on one another. That strong emotional leverage can create an even deeper divide between us and the ones we love by diminishing our self-worth.

So shaming our loved ones who struggle with addiction may be less likely to inspire them to get help and more likely to scare them away from asking us for help when they need it.

No Pain No Shame

So to clarify, shaming someone may seem like it gets the job done, but in reality it is not effective at motivating healthy behaviors. In fact, shaming someone creates social withdrawal and undermines self-esteem. For someone struggling with substance use disorder, there is probably already enough feelings of disconnect of self-defeatism without being shamed.

Again, this doesn’t mean you can’t communicate with someone about how their behavior is impacting you. Setting boundaries and being honest is still important, but doing so in a compassionate way is more conducive to encouraging someone to do the right thing for the right reasons.

If we want to avoid hurting one another, we should avoid trying to shame each other into doing what we want. Shaming people with addiction isn’t going to heal their affliction. Making them feel separate and alone will not inspire the kind of change that creates stronger bonds. Focusing on celebrating good deeds can help a lot more than dwelling on every bad one and holding it over someone’s head.

Nurturing recovery is more powerful than shaming addiction.

Having a family member who has suffered can be harder on you than you know. Too many people don’t know how to get the help they need for their loved ones, and too many of our loved ones suffer for too long because they are afraid of the affects that the ones they care about most will face. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now.

CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135

5 Year Old Saves Parents from Heroin Overdose Death

5 Year Old Saves Parents from Heroin Overdose Death

(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)

Author: Justin Mckibben

In late 2016 we talked about a story that had flooded every social media outlet with angry comments and distraught families of addicts. An image had surfaced from East Liverpool, Ohio that showed a horrifying depiction of two parents overdosed in the front seat of a vehicle pulled over on the side of the road, with a child sitting strapped into a car seat in the back. People berated the parents, while demanding the child be taken from them. Others argued that the photo was insensitive to the suffering and helplessness of addiction. The event was used by news outlets everywhere as a focal point for the bigger conversation about the devastation of the opioid epidemic in America.

So while in this case there is no photo to be shared and ranted about, the story of one quick-thinking 5-year-old boy is still a startling dose of reality.

Kids in the Crossfire

This time the child in the story ending up being the only reason his parents are still alive. According to the reports in relation to the story, the young boy rescued his mom and dad who had overdosed on heroin. Around 5 a.m. on Thursday morning the child knocked on the door to his step-grandfather’s house in Middletown, Ohio. He had walked two blocks, barefoot. Initial reports state the little boy told the relative that his parents were dead.

The young child’s step-grandfather Kenneth Currey told reporters,

“When I walked up the steps and seen him laying in the bathroom floor and her in the hallway, I immediately called 911 because I knew what was up,”

While the step-grandfather was describing the incident to the 911 dispatchers, he tried to comfort the young boy. But it was not just the one child either. There was also the boy’s 3-month-old infant sister, who was still strapped into her car seat in the car outside. Likely, the little boy saved his little sister from a great deal of risk as well.

The Aftermath

The station reported that when cops arrived, they found the parents lying unconscious on the floor. The young man, Lee Johnson, was given Narcan. Soon after the overdose antidote was administered, Johnson admitted to using heroin, according to the report. He was placed in cuffs and put into the back of a police cruiser.

The station stated that the mother, Chelsie Marshall, had to be rushed to a nearby hospital to be revived. She did not come back as easily. It took a total of 14 Narcan doses to revive Marshall.

Both parents are facing charges, including:

  • 2 counts of endangering children (each)
  • 1 count of disorderly conduct with heroin (each)

The children were brought to the Middletown Police Department. There the heroic young boy who saved not only his parents, but his little sister and himself, received a badge for his bravery. The two children have since been taken to live with other family members.

The step-grandfather Kenneth Currey said,

“I’m very proud of the boy, very proud of him, but it’s just, tragedy,”

The Middletown Police Chief Rodney Muterspaw knows very well that this situation could have indeed brought a much different result, and issued a wake-up call to the community.

“Parents, wake up,”

“People that are doing this, you’re not just hurting you, you’re hurting your families and your kids. I mean, this could’ve turned out really bad for two children that don’t deserve it.”

He isn’t wrong.

At the same time, we should also use instances like this as an opportunity to show how important it is that people get the treatment they need, and that families support one another in getting that help before it is too late. We should give those still using the hard truth, but at the same time we should show support and compassion, while encouraging family members to protect each other and try to help those who struggle.

Addiction is killing our families every day. We would like to offer you the FREE GIFT of a checklist to help decipher if you are helping or hurting a loved one who is struggling with addiction.

    Click for FREE GIFT

What the step-grandfather said is absolutely true, this is indeed a tragedy. Parents of all ages die every day from drug overdose. Every day children are suffering along with their mothers and fathers in the grips of addiction, and every day some little kids lose their parents due to addiction. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now.

   CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135

Is My Teenager Addicted to Drugs?

Is My Teenager Addicted to Drugs?

(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)

Author: Justin Mckibben

Part of being a parent is wondering what trouble your kids might get into. This is especially true as children become more independent as teens and young adults. Parents worry about how their kids are doing in school, if they are surrounding themselves with good influences and of course, if they’re doing drugs. It seems like there has never been a more appropriate time to be concerned about teenage substance abuse. Parents today are witness to the devastation and despair caused by the opioid epidemic. While teen drug use has always been an issue, it is more frightening than previous years with overdose deaths at such an alarming rate. What are the signs? How serious is teen drug abuse? Is your adolescent addicted to drugs?

Is My Teenager Addicted to Drugs: Teen Drug Abuse Stats

It is not that shocking that teen drug abuse is such a concern for parents. Substance use disorder currently affects more than 20 million people in the United States.

In 2015, more than 33,000 people in the United States died from accidental overdose. According to the 2015 Monitoring the Future College Students and Adults survey, young adults from 18-25 are the biggest abusers of:

The survey also shows young adults use prescription drugs for nonmedical reasons more than any other age group. One report showed that nearly 44% of high school students admit to knowing a classmate who sells drugs. When ask what kind of drugs, students stated:

  • 91%- Marijuana
  • 24%- Prescription drugs
  • 9%- Cocaine
  • 7%- Ecstasy

Experts from National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) state that while illicit substance abuse has shown some decline, prescription drug abuse has done more than enough to fill the void.

Is My Teenager Addicted to Drugs: Those at Risk

If there is one thing we have learned without question from the opioid epidemic, it is that the old archaic mentality that substance use disorders were only experienced by people living troubled lives is anything but true.

Anyone and everyone are at risk. No race, nationality, social or economic background can exempt someone from the potential for addiction, even teenagers. It doesn’t matter if you grow up in a small town, a suburb or a bad part of town. It doesn’t matter if you are homeless or if you inherit a fortune, you still are eligible for addiction.

In a way, that reality makes the prospect of your teenager getting mixed up in drugs more frightening, because the old mentality of “don’t hang out with the wrong crowd” doesn’t really apply anymore. Any crowd and every crowd can get mixed up in this.

Truthfully, teens are exposed to substances in so many ways, but there are also a lot of ways to spot use and try to address it as early as possible.

Is My Teenager Addicted to Drugs: Warning Signs

Knowing the warning signs of addiction can save lives, and ensuring it is addressed through every possible channel is key—even at a yearly doctor’s appointment. Many doctors are being trained to identify the signs of early drug abuse and ask questions about substance use disorders. When you are still wondering- is my teenager addicted to drugs- then you can try to look at signs such as:

  • Mood swings
  • Changes in grades
  • Lack of interest in activities
  • Trouble at school or work
  • Changes in friends
  • Suffering withdrawal symptoms, including shaking, seizures, personality changes
  • Hiding drug use
  • Using substances in private

According to mental health experts, some of these symptoms can also be signs of a mental health disorder. The best course of action when a parent begins to detect some of these signs would be to have a conversation with their teenager. Having a dialog can create opportunities for education, prevention and intervention.

Is My Teenager Addicted to Drugs: Helping VS Hurting

If your teenager is struggling with a substance use disorder there are a number of things you can do to help. There are also some things that parents institutionally do that can ultimately be harmful. Family members are always used to playing different roles, and often times parents want to be as supportive as possible. The important distinction family members all need to learn is the difference between helping and hurting.

As parents people typically lean toward one side or the other. They either want to be protective and enabling, or they chose to use ‘tough love’ to try and force their family members to get clean.

To learn more about how to handle the difficult emotions and situations parents and family members face with an addicted loved one, download our FREE e-book

“What is the Difference Between Helping and Hurting”

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It is important to be compassionate and supportive. It is also important to set boundaries with your addicted teenager. Understanding the self-destructive behaviors of individuals who struggle with addiction will help you to avoid enabling those risk patterns. This knowledge also helps parents and families members to be more constructive and caring when it really matters.

Addiction doesn’t just affect the person who is drinking or drugging, it affects all those that are close to that person. Emotionally, physically, financially, the toll can be significant. The Family Program at Palm Partners is designed to help parents, significant others and family members of addicts. If you or someone you love is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now!

   CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135

Is It My Fault My Loved One is Addicted?

Is It My Fault My Loved One is Addicted?

(This content is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the content is a model)

Author: Justin Mckibben

I’ll never forget when I told my mother I needed to go to rehab. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, and what broke my heart was when she asked- “What have I done that my child has to live like this?”

This is not an uncommon question, so if you find yourself asking it please do not be ashamed. It is one of the most frequently asked questions from family members and close friends when a loved one is addicted to drugs or alcohol. A lot of people have a tendency to internalized the struggles that those they love most experience and wonder if they had some part in creating or adding to the issue. A lot of times mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, or even sons and daughters will see the suffering their loved one goes through and ask- is it my fault my loved one is addicted?

In a word- No.

The reality of addition is that any substance use disorder is more powerful than you or them, and likewise out of your control. As hard as that is to hear, it may be the most important thing to remember in the beginning. It can’t be your fault, because it was never up to you.

Substance Use Disorder

Substance use disorder is just that; a disorder. The root of this issue lies in the individuals thinking, which is why many in the medical world have defined it as a kind of mental health disorder that develops over time. No one can take all the blame for someone developing a disorder like addiction, no matter how hard it is to set aside that mindset.

Of course as we experience hardships we want to find someone to blame or pinpoint a logically explanation that makes sense to us, but the truth is it isn’t that black and white. Searching for a place to put all the fault is not effective or conducive to recovering.

Now some may examine the facts and read them one way, but it isn’t a fair assessment. We can even look at the idea of addiction coming from the perfect storm of nature and nurture.

The Perfect Storm

The ‘perfect storm’ comes from a unique combination of nature and nurture that create just the right atmosphere for an addiction to develop. So many people want to say it is because of generics, while others want to say it is because of the home, upbringing or life-style. The truth is, it is both, so it can’t be the fault of either.

Every human being on this planet is born with a genetic predisposition to addiction. Different DNA designs will promote different susceptibilities to addiction, and depending on the environment the individual is consistently in they may be exposed more or less. There is no precise formula for addiction that includes it being the families fault.

This is only further proven by the fact that substance use disorder impacts all walks of life:

  • Rich or poor
  • The homeless
  • Successful people
  • People with traumatic childhoods
  • People with nurturing childhoods
  • Men and women
  • Young or old
  • Any race
  • Any religion
  • Every culture

So even a parent who wants to blame themselves and say, “well it was my genes passed down and I raised them in this environment, so it must be my fault,” this is still not the case. All of this connects with how we turn to different coping skills. An addicted loved one makes a choice to rely on a substance as a coping skill, and the storm stirs to the point they have launched into a full-blown substance use disorder.

Guilt and Enabling

Many family members and friends will wonder if some action they took at some point pushed their loved on to use drugs. They will wonder if an event in the relationship had such a significant impact that they drove the addiction further. People are crippled by guilt when they think they had some hand in forcing their loved one’s decision, or maybe thinking they did not do enough. This guilt is incredibly counterproductive. It is not your fault because you cannot control how anyone decides to cope.

The sad part is that some addicts will notice their loved one’s guilt, and they will manipulate their family and friends using that guilt to get what they want. Your loved one may even try to justify their behaviors by blaming you, playing on your emotions to rationalize their harmful actions.

This is just one of many symptoms of enabling, but the reason most people give for supporting their loved one’s addiction and enabling their habits is that they feel responsible for the person. People enable addicts to avoid the guilt of ‘abandoning’ them. One of the biggest hurdles that family members and close friends must overcome is letting go and accepting that they have no control of their loved one’s choices.

We would like to offer you the FREE GIFT of a checklist to help decipher if you are helping or hurting a loved one who is struggling with addiction.

   Click for FREE GIFT

Your Own Recovery

Recovery is not just for the individual, it is also for those closest to them. Learning the difference between how to give compassion, love and support vs enabling and minimizing is very important to the addicted loved ones recovery, and also to your own peace of mind. The recovery process for the family and friends means learning more about how it isn’t you fault a relative or companion is addicted. Learning more about the science of addiction and the causes of risk behavior can also take more weight off your shoulders and help you better understand your loved one.

Even if the individual is avoiding or refusing treatment, getting help for yourself may provide you with a better understanding of how to deal with issues that arise. And the better knowledge you have, the better a position you may be in to help.

Having a family member who has suffered can be harder on you than you know. Too many people don’t know how to get the help they need for their loved ones, and too many of our loved ones suffer for too long because they are afraid of the affects that the ones they care about most will face.

   CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135

What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test?

What Drugs Don't Show Up on a Drug Test?

Author: Justin Mckibben

Now this is a pretty popular question. Whether it is coming from someone trying to dodge a consequence heading their way, or a parent trying to make sure they know what to look for when worried about their kids, it isn’t a cut and dry answer. The modern drug test in general is a marvel of medical science and technology; both the home testing kits and the big corporate labs that investigate with the more extensive and expensive methods.

Some people are worried they indulge too much and want to keep out of hot water with their probation officer, while others might even be testing themselves to find out if something was slipped to them. Businesses will use them to test employees and applicants. Hospitals and doctors may use them to try and collect what they need to solve a medical puzzle.

At the end of the day, some people have a habit of blaming the drug test for being in their way from getting where they need to go. But, what if it is the drugs, or even a serious addiction, that is really in their way?

What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: Different Drug Tests

Before we can ask what drugs don’t show up on a drug test we have to ask what kind of drug test we are taking?

There are 5 primary types of drug tests.

  1. Urine Tests

These are the most common types of home drug test kits since they are the least expensive of the test methods. Urine tests are:

  • Considered an intrusive method of testing
  • Easily done at home, but do require lab verification for accurate results
  • Primarily detect use within the past week (longer with regular use)
  • Typically temperature tested to insure sample integrity

These are probably the most common form of drug test, and different kits may provide a different variety of screenings.

  1. Saliva Tests

These tests are a little more expensive than urine tests, but still less than hair and blood tests. Saliva tests are:

  • Considered relatively un-intrusive
  • Easy to administer but require lab to ensure accuracy
  • Detect use primarily within the past few days
  • Can detect more recent use than other testing methods.

Saliva drug tests have no nationally accepted standards or cut-off concentrations for detection, making results greatly dependent on the specific testing product. However, saliva drug tests are becoming more common.

  1. Sweat Tests

This form of drug test is still relatively uncommon, and probably because the patch to absorb the sweat must be worn for an extended period. Sweat tests are:

  • Considered to be relatively intrusive due to extended time of application
  • Controversial in terms of accuracy

One reason these tests are so controversial and unpopular is because there is belief that any surface contamination (such as second hand cannabis smoke) can actually cause false readings.

  1. Hair Tests

These are several times more expensive than urine drug tests, usually ranging over the $100 mark. Hair tests:

  • Detect substance use over a longer time period (up to months or even over a year)
  • BUT do not often detect short-term use
  • Can determine when some substances were used and/or discontinued
  • Test for a wider range of drugs and with more detail

Another advantage the hair drug test has is that shampoos and follicle cleansing do not reliably remove traces of drugs from hair.

  1. Blood Tests

These are the most expensive method of drug testing. Of course with tracking drug use by blood tests, they are considered to be:

  • Most intrusive method
  • Most accurate form of drug testing
  • Still the least common method, most likely due to cost

As with most anything, it is easier to track something through the blood, so this test is a tough one to try and fool.

What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: Drug Sensitivity

Another important question when trying to figure out what drugs don’t show up on a drug test, people need to take into account the testing products sensitivity. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (SAMHSA) provides guidelines for what constitutes a “positive” result.

However, companies are getting around these guidelines by reporting the levels found without categorizing them as a “positive” or “negative” test. They just show that trace amounts are being shown, which would infer use.

The reality is, pretty much every form of the most common illicit substances (cannabis/opioids/amphetamines/etc.) will show up on a drug test. It is much harder to find drugs that wouldn’t leave any trace, and these drugs are often unpredictable and especially toxic.

What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: Synthetic Drugs

There are a number of drugs that are synthetic versions of common illicit substances, and many of these dangerous substances are undetectable drugs. This is a horrifying reality that many are trying to fight, because these are some of the most harmful drugs on the streets. Synthetic drugs like Bath Salts, Salvia, and synthetic marijuana like Spice have all appeared in numerous headlines over the last few years are claiming lives and doing real damage.

These drugs may manage to slide under the radar of some tests, but tests for these synthetics have begun to develop as they have become increasingly volatile and unpredictable.

The biggest issue with these drugs is they are often advertised as “safer” and “legal” alternatives. However, the “legal” aspect is a grey area depending on the substance, and we have seen time and time again they are not “safe”.

What Drugs Don’t Show Up on a Drug Test: What to Do?

Whether you are a cautious employer, concerned parent or someone who is trying to get away with something, substance abuse and addiction are very real issues. Anyone looking for ways to trick a drug test should take a moment to see there is probably something wrong when getting high is more important than getting a job, staying out of legal trouble, etc.

If you are worried about a loved one, learn how to look for the signs of substance abuse. Start a conversation about the risks of addiction and learn about the long-term effects. Don’t wait until things get worse.

Dodging drug tests and using unknown and hazardous chemicals just to get high is not a productive way to live. If the dependence on substances is so severe that you have to ask what drugs don’t show up on a drug test, you might want to think about asking- why do I need any drug this bad?

Instead of looking for ways around it, try to find a way to work and go through it. Recovery is always a better option.

Drug and alcohol abuse should be taken seriously. Faking drug tests is also not getting any easier, with plenty of new found methods of testing for drugs being researched. Getting treatment is a better plan than trying to get away with it, especially since ‘getting away with it’ can eventually end up costing someone their life. If you or someone you love is struggling, please call toll-free now.

   CALL NOW 1-800-951-6135

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